


(I Wish) You Were The One That Got Away

by Neffectual



Series: 104 Reasons to Stay Alive [17]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Coercion, Deception, Lies, M/M, Sexual Coercion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 21:44:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2166270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neffectual/pseuds/Neffectual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Levi comes to Erwin, he sends him away, refusing to take advantage. The second time, he isn't quite that strong. But who is using who?</p>
            </blockquote>





	(I Wish) You Were The One That Got Away

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'The One That Got Away' by The Civil Wars. Quote from 'Poison and Wine', by the same.

_You only know what I want you to_   
_I know everything you don't want me to_   
_Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine_   
_You think your dreams are the same as mine_   
_Oh I don't love you but I always will._

Three days after Erwin had finally got hold of Levi and hauled him back to the garrison to join the other new recruits, the young captain wakes to the sound of his door opening, and is alert and moving in seconds.  
“It’s only me.” Levi’s voice calls out of the darkness. “I thought you might want some company.”  
Erwin rolls over and finds the young man standing at the edge of his bed, wrapped in a thin sheet, almost shivering in the chill – or is that shaking? It is hard to make out in the gloom of the darkened room.  
“I... that’s not how we do things here,” he says, unsteadily, fumbling over the words.  
“Liar,” Levi says, darkly, dropping the sheet and revealing pale skin mottled with bruises from Erwin’s own men. “This is the currency everywhere.”  
Erwin tries not to let his eyes drift below Levi’s chin, struggles to keep his composure. He’s no greenhorn, but this is the first time that the other party has been naked and unashamed, rather than some half-dressed fumble in the dark, terrified of someone finding them at any moment. Erwin has his own room now, and he could – his gaze drops to pebbled nipples, standing out in the cold, before he wrenches his eyes upwards again – no, he won’t do this.  
“Not here, cadet. Get back to your bunk. I don’t want to hear any more about this, are we clear?”  
Is that relief he sees in Levi’s shoulders, or disappointment? He can’t tell, but he desperately wishes he could – but that would change nothing, because he’s still a commanding officer, and Levi is still a recruit, and it’s still wrong. He will not do this.  
“We’re clear, sir.” Levi purrs, bending to wrap the sheet around him again, and Erwin has to close his eyes to keep from watching, from stepping out of bed and simply taking, because he is not that sort of man. “Goodnight.”  
Erwin doesn’t open his eyes again until he hears his door click shut.

The next morning, there is gentle ribbing over breakfast from those around him who heard his bedroom door open twice in the night; loud talk of girls from those who barely know him, softer talk of men from those he confides in, all commenting on the fact that barely five minutes passed between the first and the second instances. Erwin is caught between defending his stamina and denying the incident at all, and ends up giving everyone a confused look and a shrug, leaving them to make their own conclusions out of what little evidence they have. At the same time, his hands are clenched into fists under the table, realising that half the rooms on his floor heard his door, the trouble Levi could have got them into, what might have happened had he given in to his baser desires. He’s prided himself on never giving in to that, only a few casual flirtations among those at the same rank, but that all stopped when he was made captain. Since then, he has kept himself to himself, never visiting the women in the towns whose affection is somewhat negotiable, if they hear the right amount of coin jingling. He knows that others do, but he likes to think he would not prey on those who merely seek to make a living through this vile war, even if his proclivities left him that way inclined. As it is, sometimes he passes an extra coin to the ladies with a child propped on each hip, breasts bared, because something makes him sick to his stomach about that image.  
“I have to run drills,” he says, abruptly, excusing himself from the table. Walking past the places where the cadets are seated, he is unsurprised to see Levi staring back at him, a challenge writ large in his eyes, daring him to mention the previous night. Erwin looks away as if he’s been burned, and continues his walk to the door.

That night, he is awakened by a slim body sliding into bed with him, and has a hand on a skinny wrist before he hears Levi’s panicked breathing.  
“How many times do I have to say that this is not the way to thank me?” he whispers, voice sounding loud and harsh against the silence of the darkness. “This isn’t the way we do things amongst civilised people!”  
He expects to see Levi rear back like he’s been slapped, but the boy simply winds closer until he’s pressed up against Erwin’s body, skin on skin, and the blond can feel the curve of a smile against his shoulder.  
“I’ve never been civilised,” Levi says quietly, “Why don’t you show me how it’s done?”  
Erwin snarls, and is on him in a second, pressing that slim body back into the hard, poorly-sprung mattress as a thrill of possession runs through him. This might not be the first time anyone has had Levi, but he’s damned if he won’t make it memorable, nonetheless. And then he hears himself thinking it, and draws back, rolling away, his back to Levi, the sheets cold beneath him after the heat of the other’s body.  
“Get out.”  
Levi spoons up behind him, and Erwin flinches at the feel of a hard cock pressed against his back.  
“Can’t you feel how much I want you?” the boy purrs, and it feels real, feels like he’s really there and asking for this, “Don’t you want me?”  
A small hand snakes around and reaches for Erwin’s groin, and the blond doesn’t slap it away. Later, he will wonder why he never did, why he couldn’t say no to this, what made him so weak to Levi, of all people. Instead, he rolls back over and lets Levi take him in hand, kisses him harshly, teeth clacking together, and doesn’t protest when a warm mouth sinks down on him, hands in soft, dark strands and tugging, tugging away as he reaches completion. Levi rises and licks red, swollen lips clean, and moves languorously, sliding out of the bed and walking, still naked and hard, to the door.  
“Don’t worry, Captain,” he says, from the doorway. “I’ll make sure everyone knows you’re all mine now.”  
Erwin hears the door slam, and stares up at the ceiling beams, wondering what he’s got himself into now.

It becomes a habit, Levi in his bed, and progresses to something which could almost be called love, something soft and tender between them as Erwin presses into Levi for the first time, and he hears the young man cry out. They’re never seen apart now, and when Erwin makes commander, and promotes Levi to captain, no one is surprised when he’s assigned to the room next to Erwin’s; the room where the two of them have had so many moments alone in the darkness. One thing remains the same: Levi does not let Erwin bring him to completion, not ever, and after a time Erwin stops asking. He’d been taught that there were proper and polite ways to ensure such a thing, but Levi doesn’t seem interested, no matter how he might seem. Erwin knows better than to press the issue now, unless he wants to be alone for a week or so afterwards. He gets precious little time with Levi as it is, and he does not wish to squander those moments by insisting upon something which the other does not desire. They have what they have, and that is enough for Erwin, has to be enough, because Levi controls every second that they share together. Erwin enjoys the powerlessness, the chance to have someone else take over for a time, to give up the mantle of control, the power he holds over life and death, and hand himself to Levi, trussed up and ready for the taking.  
“So obedient,” Levi will whisper in the darkness, and Erwin can’t pretend he doesn’t get a little thrill from that, that he doesn’t feel honoured to be worth Levi’s time, time which he affords so few, naming them all as fools and wastrels. To be worth anything in Levi’s eyes is worth more than a thousand lovers, and so Erwin satisfies himself with this – Levi wants to be with him. He does not question why.

Opening the door to Levi’s room without knocking is not a common habit he makes, but often enough that Levi knows it will be him. Since he lost his arm, he’s sore and stiff in that shoulder, over-compensating for the weight he is used to holding on that side, and it gets worse when the weather is wet and cold. It’s been a long day, and Erwin is tired, moody, irritable, and knows Levi will take all of that away from him. It’s a surprise, then, to walk in on Levi sat, spread-legged in his desk chair, with Jaeger between his knees, mouth busily working Levi’s cock. Jaeger is consumed by his task, but Levi opens his eyes and looks at Erwin, their gazes locking, and then the bastard smiles, slow and lazy, and pulls back to come on Jaeger’s face. To see this child, this petulant teenager rewarded with something which Erwin has been forbidden for years sends exactly the message Levi wants it to, and Erwin turns, without a word, and leaves, closing the door behind him.  
Levi doesn’t come to him that night, nor the night after, and Erwin curses, screams, throws his crystal tumblers at the wall in rage; but he can’t really say he blames anyone but himself. Levi never lied to him, he knows that now – they never spoke of love, there were never tender moments between them, and anything to do with romance was all in Erwin’s mind. Levi would not even consent to a hand on his shoulder in public, why did Erwin ever think that they were together?

At breakfast, Levi sits astride one of the benches, chin resting on Jaeger’s shoulder as the boy chatters excitedly about his chores for the day, while Erwin sits alone, struggling to get used to using a spoon with his other hand. When he drops the utensil, the clear, metallic sound ringing out through the room, Levi looks over at him, and Erwin doesn’t see pity – as he’d feared – but just cold indifference. Then the mask of adoration sweeps back over that lying face as he turns back to his newest mark. Erwin excuses himself from the room, and leans against the wall by the door, eyes screwed shut against the mental picture. He’s been played, and worse, he’s been fool enough to fall in love with a consummate conman, one who never shows real emotions. It is evident now that Levi simply allies himself with the one he sees as strongest. Erwin gifted him his captaincy and the respect of the men, and now Jaeger will give him the victory over the titans. Back in his rooms, Erwin looks at the letter from the capital, and hastily scrawls out a reply with his left hand. Every reason he thought he had to stay has been a lie.

**Author's Note:**

> This was born out of all the images of Levi dragging Erwin by a tie, or collar, reeling him in, and the fact that I was listening to The Civil Wars non-stop. Besides, we all know that Erwin sees the good in everyone - even if it isn't there. A canny, cunning Levi, with less honour than we see in later years, would know how to make use of that for his own ends.


End file.
